WHAT A CHARMING HOUSE THIS IS. “GHOSTS ARE REAL, YOU SAY?” HOW FASCINATING

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR MORE

UH YOUR DOOR IS OPENING
BY ITSELF
THAT’S A PROBLEM RIGHT THERE
DID THE HOUSE JUST WHISPER ITS OWN NAME
BECAUSE I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT

NEVER MIND
TOM HIDDLESTON JUST PROPOSED AND INTRODUCED HIS BEAUTIFUL, SINGLE SISTER
PROBABLY A WIDOW, SHOT IN THE DARK I’M TAKING RIGHT NOW ON THAT ONE
I’D LOVE TO BLOW OUT CANDLES WITH YOU, TOM
WHAT POSSIBLE HARM CAN COME FROM IT

[INCIDENTALLY MIA WASIKOWSKA SHOULD PROBABLY GET USED TO CORSETS
CAREER WISE
IS WHAT I’M SAYING]

HIDDLES AND HIS SISTER SITTING IN THE SHADOWS
LITERALLY THE ONLY SHADOWS IN AN OTHERWISE BRIGHT SUNNY PARK
DOES THAT COME FREE WITH YOUR OBVIOUS EVIL PLANS OR DID YOU PAY EXTRA FOR THAT

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BRRRR THE HOUSE IS SO COLD
SNOW COMING DOWN INSIDE ITS THAT COLD
PROBABLY SHOULD GET A ROOFING GUY IN HERE
LOOK AT THAT
NOT A GHOST ROOFER THO
A REAL ONE

YEP A WARM BATH THAT’S THE TICKET
NONE OF YOUR BORING OLD WATER FOR ME
I’LL TAKE PIPING HOT BLOOD, PLEASE
THIS TUB IS FULL OF B POSITIVE
JUST LIKE MY OUTLOOK ON LIFE

UNSAFE PARTS OF THE HOUSE YOU SAY
COULD YOU CLUTCH THOSE NOISY KEYS ANY TIGHTER?

HEATHCLIFF I MEAN TOM
TOM
LET ME CLING TO YOU IN MY NIGHTGOWN BY THE FIRE

“THE HOUSE AS OLD AS THIS ONE BECOMES A LIVING THING” YOU SAY
YOU MEAN LIKE LITERALLY OR
YEP, LITERALLY IT IS

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“NEVER GO BELOW THIS LEVEL” YOU SAY
SUB-BASEMENT THREE: RUSTY TUBS, DARK MOOD LIGHTING AND DISOBEDIENT WIVES

I CAN GO EXPLORING, SURE
I’VE GOT MY STARCHY WHITE DRESS AND MY INVESTIGATING CANDLEBRA

WELP
OLD-TIMEY PHOTOS OF MY HUSBAND
OLDER-TIMEY THAT IS
FUNERALS, ALWAYS FUN
HAUNTED ROCKING CHAIRS

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“SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING” A SENTENCE NO PROTAGONIST EVER WANTS TO HEAR
EVER

LEMME SLAM THAT DOOR REAL QUICK
SURELY THERE’S NO OTHER WAY INTO THIS ROOM
GOOD GOD I MARRIED MR. BODDY FROM ‘CLUE’
IT WAS COLONEL MUSTARD IN THE BEDROOM WITH THE HAUNTED PIANO

BLOODY SNOW ON THE FRONT LAWN, AS IS NORMAL

OH GOOD
A BLOOD-SOAKED GHOST JUST CRAWLED OUT OF THE CARPET
ALL THAT BLOOD
GUESS THEY’RE NOT USING IT ANYMORE
OXYGENATING ANY AIR OR ANYTHING
FINE
I’M NOT THE ONE THAT HAS TO GET OUT THOSE CARPET STAINS

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BLOOD
SO MUCH BLOOD
IT’S LIKE A MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES UNDER THIS HOUSE PROBABLY

OHHHHHH
THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT CRIMSON PEAK, ISNT IT

RICKETY ELEVATORS
NAKED TOM HIDDLESTON, WHICH I’M FINE WITH
MORE SHIVERING
THE PIANO’S HAUNTED AGAIN
AND CREEPY CREEPY EVAPORATING GHOST HANDS
NO MEANS NO GUYS

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WELP
THERE GOES ANY SLEEP I WAS PLANNING ON HAVING AGAIN, EVER